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FSF / 100WCGU: “Hope in You” [Fearless]

by | Sep 17, 2012 | Fearless, Short Stories | 22 comments

It’s a double-whammy this week, as I’m incorporating both Julia’s 100-Word Challenge for Grown Ups (week 57) prompt of “…returning to the routine…” and Lillie McFerrin’s Five Sentence Fiction prompt “AWKWARD” into the same post. Actually, it’s a triple whammy, since I’m also using Monday’s Fearless post to coincide.

To catch you up, Julia’s 100-Word Challenge for Grown-Ups gives writers a phrase or picture prompt, and we have 100 words (give or take; see the link for details) to write a story around it. Lillie’s Five-Sentence Fiction gives a one-word prompt, and we’re to write a flash fiction piece, consisting of only five sentences, that corresponds to said prompt.

I didn’t think I’d be able to participate at all this time around, as my schedule has been so hectic…but the pieces just fell together right, for me. (Maybe you disagree.)

“Hope In You”

By Zelda F. Scott (Own work) [GFDL (http://www.gnu.org/copyleft/fdl.html) or CC-BY-SA-3.0-2.5-2.0-1.0 (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0)], via Wikimedia Commons

The bar turned slick beneath her hands, and her arms quivered all the way to her shoulders as her foot slid over the mat. It wasn’t from any thought or impulse, though, but mere weight, and that more than any pain or effort made the tears well.

Graceful, darling dancer: she’d never be that again, not if simply returning to the routine of standing on her dumb, labouring legs was this hard.

Spitting a plea for rest (and hating herself for it), she transferred to the chair, feeling weak, broken, hopeless.

Until she thought of him, and his smile, and pushed herself up again.

Julia’s prompt is a bit easier to recognize, here, than Lillie’s is, but hopefully you can see how I related this to both.

What awkwardness – or return to routine – did you describe, this time around?

22 Comments

  2. Sandra
    Sandra on September 17, 2012 at 08:58

    Nicely done. He must be something special.

  3. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 17, 2012 at 09:52

    Thanks, Vanessa. 🙂

  4. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 17, 2012 at 09:52

    Thanks, Sandra. I’m trying my best to make him more than just a pretty face. 🙂

  5. Andrew
    Andrew on September 17, 2012 at 09:56

    Very nice.

  6. lorrainefort
    lorrainefort on September 17, 2012 at 10:31

    Well done. You convey the struggle in such a realistic emotion/tone. Thanks for sharing. (and incorporating both challenges is a true bonus!) I think concise writing is fun, difficult and well worth the result. 🙂

  7. 4amWriter
    4amWriter on September 17, 2012 at 13:20

    Great job blending the two challenges. I liked the idea that she was a dancer at one time, and she’s back at the bar trying to walk again, whereas a bar in her dancing career would have been an important challenge in another way.

  8. DancingInTheRain
    DancingInTheRain on September 17, 2012 at 17:15

    I think this is excellent – both the way it is written and the story itself. With regard to the last sentence, the importance and significance of that smiling, encouraging face should never be under-estimated. I hope he never feels the burden. And what would she use to spur her on if he weren’t there. Would she just wallow? Her dependency is heartwarming but simultaneously worrying. Well done!

  9. Kern Windwraith
    Kern Windwraith on September 18, 2012 at 01:14

    Challenge mash-up! Great idea! This is really nicely done–you made me care about your aging dancer, and I smiled too when “she thought of him.”

  10. limebirdbeth
    limebirdbeth on September 18, 2012 at 06:15

    Loved this mix of the two! 🙂 x

  11. Lillie McFerrin
    Lillie McFerrin on September 19, 2012 at 00:02

    Really fantastic job combining the prompts. I love her spirit and resolution to try again in the final sentence. Nicely done 🙂

  12. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 19, 2012 at 09:37

    Thanks, Andrew. Glad you enjoyed it. 🙂

  13. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 19, 2012 at 09:38

    Thank you, Lorraine. This character’s conflict is so different from anything else I’ve done. I’m glad she works.
    Yes, the challenge really is in keeping everything tight and concise. It’s been great practice for me in all my other writing! 🙂

  14. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 19, 2012 at 09:39

    Thanks, Kate.
    The balance of those two bars was something I hadn’t considered. But I like it! I may have to use it in a larger focus, if you don’t mind. 😉

  15. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 19, 2012 at 09:40

    Thanks, Julia. The prompts really worked for me, this time.
    You’re so right that co-dependence can be both good and dangerous. It’s a balance I’ve really enjoyed exploring.

  16. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 19, 2012 at 09:40

    Thanks, Kern. Mostly, the mash-up happened because I was running out of posting space, but I’m glad they work together, this time. 🙂

  17. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 19, 2012 at 09:41

    Thanks, Beth. One aspect of these challenges I enjoy is pushing my own boundaries.

  18. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 19, 2012 at 09:41

    Thanks, Lillie. I’m so glad I was able to work them both together, especially for this character with a larger story. 🙂

  19. limebirdbeth
    limebirdbeth on September 19, 2012 at 10:35

    Yes, I like doing that too. 🙂

  20. 4amWriter
    4amWriter on September 19, 2012 at 13:22

    I don’t mind at all. 🙂

  21. shadetheraven
    shadetheraven on September 22, 2012 at 10:08

    Amber is nothing if not determined.
    Great work capturing the struggle not only against the weight of the world, but the drag of a broken body and the two-fold level of drive she has to overcome them both.
    Nicely done!

  22. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 26, 2012 at 06:58

    Thanks, Shade. Amber is certainly a different mindset, for me, though I struggle sometimes with her voice. This serious piece made it a bit easier.

    Glad you liked it. 🙂