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Five Sentence Fiction: “What It’s Not” [Fearless]

by | Sep 10, 2012 | Fearless, Short Stories | 21 comments

The prompt for this week’s Five Sentence Fiction from Lillie McFerrin is MEMORIES.

Once again (and keeping with my posting schedule), I’m using it to tackle some backstory for Fearless. Part of this is an effort to get back on-track…and part of it is because I think the conflict is an interesting one to examine.

“What It’s Not”

At four, he simply hadn’t known; “love” was but the smell of Christmas roast filling the kitchen, or cold ice cream sliding down his throat, or the rush of seawater between his toes.

By the time he was twelve, he’d come to understand it a bit more, though still not very much: Mum’s warm embrace, and his sisters’ gentle teasing; the joy of rolling waves to ride, and the blow of ocean air against his face.

By sixteen, though, he knew, he understood, even if he wished he didn’t. Because love like in stories was glorious and loud, full of honesty and trust, not hushed and hidden and kept secret in his breast, whispered only to the wind and the soft goose feathers stuffed in his pillow; it wasn’t a wicked laugh and a crooked smile, nor the shine of golden hair and sun-drenched flesh stretched beside him in the sand day after day. It was Antony and Cleopatra, Tristan and Isolde, Paolo and Francesca…not this, not them, not him: Neville, and the beautiful, oblivious boy who filled his dreams.

A bit of a tortured Neville, here, but teenagers tend to be filled with angst.

What MEMORIES did you take a look at, this week?

21 Comments

  1. limebirdbeth
    limebirdbeth on September 10, 2012 at 05:40

    Really enjoyed this! 🙂 xx

  2. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 10, 2012 at 09:43

    Thanks, Beth! (I like writing Neville, too. Very different romance perspective from what I usually do.) 🙂

  3. limebirdbeth
    limebirdbeth on September 10, 2012 at 10:27

    You’re welcome! It’s nice to change things up sometimes! x

  4. Vanessa Chapman
    Vanessa Chapman on September 10, 2012 at 10:43

    Really good. I like how it takes us on a little journey through his life, and so much is told in a few short sentences.

  5. Sarah Mac
    Sarah Mac on September 10, 2012 at 14:28

    It’s my first time here so I don’t know anything of Nevilles story. However, this stands really well as a piece of flash fiction in it’s own right. I love the the way you have shown different perspectives on love as he matures.

  6. Mike
    Mike on September 10, 2012 at 15:06

    An enjoyable piece of writing.
    I loved the different images of love your words conjured up.

  7. 4amWriter
    4amWriter on September 10, 2012 at 16:53

    Very poetic and dreamy. I really felt like I was in his thoughts.

    What I especially liked was as he grew older and changed, so did his enjoyment of experiences . At 4, he loved the rush of seawater between his toes, but at 12, “the joy of rolling waves to ride”, and then at 16, “the shine of golden hair and sun-drenched flesh stretched beside him in the sand day after day.”

    Even without you giving us his ages, we would know he is older simply by those descriptions. Great job.

  8. Andrew
    Andrew on September 11, 2012 at 00:34

    Very nice. I enjoyed reading this.

  9. Sandra
    Sandra on September 11, 2012 at 02:22

    Excellent; really well thought out and executed.

  10. lisashambrook
    lisashambrook on September 11, 2012 at 17:06

    Really evocative! Your descriptions captivated me!

  11. shadetheraven
    shadetheraven on September 11, 2012 at 20:43

    This actually explains a quite of bit about why Neville and Ross are inseparable as surf brothers, if that is indeed whom he has noticed. It ties back into some of the earlier posts you did of those two, with the one way flirtation between Neville and Finch.
    Excellent work Mayumi!

  12. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 12, 2012 at 16:35

    Thank you, Vanessa. I wasn’t certain the theme of “memories” would come across with just these little glimpses…but glad it works!

  13. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 12, 2012 at 16:36

    Thanks, Sarah, and welcome. 🙂
    Neville’s an intriguing character for me to examine, as his motives and sensibilities are so different from my own. But I’m glad he resonates with readers, too. 🙂

  14. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 12, 2012 at 16:37

    Thank you, Mike. I did my best to capture simple, heartfelt, and complex, but with only five sentences with which to work, it gets tricky.

  15. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 12, 2012 at 16:39

    Thanks, Kate.
    I wasn’t entirely certain I could make the “Memories” theme work without mentioning the specific ages, but it’s so wonderful to hear the piece does convey the proper emotions. 🙂

  16. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 12, 2012 at 16:39

    Thank you, Andrew. Glad you enjoyed it.

  17. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 12, 2012 at 16:40

    Thank you, Sandra. For something that just flowed from me, I’m happy with the result. So glad others enjoyed it, too. 🙂

  18. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 12, 2012 at 16:41

    Thank you, Lisa! I sometimes go overboard with descriptions, but I’m happy with the balance, here, between simple and complex.

  19. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 12, 2012 at 16:44

    Thanks, Shade!
    Neville’s rather a jumble at this stage of self-awareness, but he’s starting to come into his own. It’s been interesting tracing him through the years. (And, yes, that’s definitely Ross beside him.)

  20. Lillie McFerrin
    Lillie McFerrin on September 13, 2012 at 17:24

    I love the poetic flow to your writing. It’s an intriguing story 🙂

  21. Mayumi-H
    Mayumi-H on September 14, 2012 at 12:16

    Thank you, Lillie. Your challenge has been a great springboard for getting back in touch with my creativity. 🙂

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